SURVIVOR: Great Sea
by maliciously-delici0us
Summary: Twenty-three days. Twelve Links. One survivor! On-going parody of the game by the same name. Constructive criticism welcome! :D
1. Chapter 1

**DRAMATIS PERSONAE:**

* * *

[THE CONTESTANTS:]

* * *

[Original] Link (_The Legend of Zelda/Adventure of Link_) – Collector of the Triforce pieces, and sleeping Zelda's prince. The first destroyer of Evil incarnated…if you're looking at the right timeline, that is.

Link to the Past Link (_A Link to the Past_) – Descendant of the Knights of Hyrule and the restorer of the Sacred Realm to its former glory.

Adult Link (_The Ocarina of Time_)– The teenaged hero of the Imprisoning War. Can only speak in grunts.

Young Link (_The Ocarina of Time/Majora's Mask_) – Plucky adventurer and the hero of Termina. The child version of Adult Link. How he is existing at the same time as his counterpart remains a mystery.

Green Link (_Four Swords/Four Swords Adventures_) – A poor soul who wielded a magical sword which split him into four clones of himself.

Red Link (_Four Swords/Four Swords Adventures_) – The cantankerous clone of Green Link.

Violet Link (_Four Swords/Four Swords Adventures_) – The particularly vicious clone of Green Link.

Blue Link (_Four Swords/Four Swords Adventures_) – The innocent clone of Green Link.

Wind Waker Link (_The Wind Waker_) – Sailor extraordinaire. Can guide the wind with a swish of his magic baton.

Twilight Princess Link (_The Twilight Princess_) – A backwoods hick turned wolf. Prophesied conqueror of Twilight.

Skyward Sword Link (_Skyward Sword_) – From bird herder to the hero of destiny. Battled a god and all he got was an annoying sidekick.

Link's Shadow – A recurring doppelgänger of any of the aforementioned Links. Known for his characteristic red eyes and brutal personality.

* * *

[OTHER:]

* * *

Ganondorf – The incarnation of Evil, King of Thieves, and Ruler of Darkness. Can take the form of a giant boar. This season's host.

Princess Zelda – The incarnation of wisdom and magic. Has a gentle personality and offers love and guidance. Spends most of the time in Ganondorf's clutches as a damsel-in-distress. This season's unfortunate and unwilling hostess.

Director: The director of the show, _SURVIVOR_. Has a low tolerance for stupidity.

Cameramen: Various sound and video crew that help with the recording of the show. They are a group of Hylians made up of eleven people.

Moblins: Two large, dog-like creatures that act as the show's security force. Though they are Ganondorf's loyal foot soldiers, they are quite unintelligent in nature.

Tim Gunn: MAKE IT WORK! ^_^

* * *

**DAY ONE. TIME 1200 HOURS.**

– _ADVENTURE AWAITS –_

_(Fade in. The sky is dark, and massive low-lying clouds hang in the air, their bellies full of rain. A flicker of lightning races across the sky, and thunder chases it, quick on its heels._

_The camera pans downwards. At first it appears that a void is present, but it is instead the ocean, as gray and murky as the sky it reflects. A single ship churns in its waters, crashing against choppy waves that are almost high enough to dwarf its mast. A single light shines from the captain's cabin.)_

GANONDORF _[voice-over]_: This ship is traversing blindly through the torrential rainfall that cloaks the Great Sea, heading towards a randomly-selected deserted island. An island…in the middle of _nowhere_.

_(The scene jump-shots to the interior of the little cabin. Silence isn't even remotely audible in there, and instead the small room is filled with the sounds of the beams creaking and groaning; the thunder roaring and crashing; and the ocean roiling and churning. WIND WAKER LINK is seen clutching his knees to his chest, his head buried on the top of his caps, and VIOLET LINK could be found staring out the cabin window, his face pallid and sweaty, droplets beading his brows. His mouth is turned downwards in a scowl, and by his side a small wooden barrel that serves as a trashcan leans against the cabin wall. The floor takes a dip, and suddenly he holds his stomach.)_

GANONDORF: Here, these twelve strangers have volunteered to be marooned for the next twenty-three days.

_(Outside, one of the shipmates ducks away from the steering wheel and grabs a rope attached to the hammer of a large bell. A loud metallic _ding_ing begins to wail, cutting through the cadence of pouring rain, and at the sound of the knell the Links all look up. YOUNG LINK kicks his feet, nails digging grooves into the surface of the wooden bench. A LINK TO THE PAST LINK watches him; the child is stiff, and he can feel his apprehension. SKYWARD SWORD LINK looks at the both of them, staring with his characteristic wide-eyed face. The rain outside continues pounding. )_

GANONDORF: This…is their adventure.

_(The boat churns again, groaning as it rocks back and forth between the waves. The view outside of the porthole is slanted sideways, the landscape swelling underneath them and filling the window with nothing but bubbling water. The bell continues ringing, but within moments it suddenly stops, dying with one last strangled _clang_. Then it is silent. The rain comes down, and for a moment there is nothing to be heard but the familiar creaking of wood again and the downpour's hypnotic drumming. But this only lasts for a second._

_As soon as the ship levels, the twelve SURVIVOR members jump from their seats and come to life. The room becomes an all-out brawl as each of the Links struggle to be the first one to exit the cabin. ADULT LINK rises first, but does not get very far. The original LINK trips him. BLUE LINK and WIND WAKER LINK struggle to press themselves through the doorway, the both of them jammed in between it, and DARK LINK kicks them both forwards with a grin, spilling them out onto the deck. He steps over their floundering bodies. TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK offers a hand to them as he passes, and the two children take it._

_The quarterdeck becomes a fevered frenzy, with the Links tearing into it like skullfish on a piece of rotted flesh. Crates on the wooden floor are ripped open and thrown apart, and the Links dig into their torn bellies, hands sifting for anything they can find. SKYWARD SWORD LINK comes up with a long wooden pole, and GREEN LINK chases a cucco, two of which are already under his arms. ADULT LINK simply takes an unopened crate and walks away with it, much to the annoyance of the other, weaker Links who can't seem to lift things without a Power Glove. A shadow appears beside the scene, and from the foggy mists comes forth a single green-skinned, red-haired figure. It's the familiar LEGEND OF ZELDA series antagonist, Ganondorf, who is undaunted by the mayhem. He turns to the audience, a familiar peeking smile on his face.)_

GANONDORF: And here begins a journey of a lifetime. What you are witnessing is twelve arrivals commencing an adventure that will _forever_ change their _lives_.

_(A LINK TO THE PAST LINK_ _yells something to ADULT LINK. RED LINK helps himself to several bombs.)_

GANONDORF, _stepping over WIND WAKER LINK_: They only have _two minutes_ to salvage whatever they can off this ship.

_(There is a second flash of miasma amidst all the commotion. Silent dainty feet step through the fog, and then the blond-haired, blue-eyed PRINCESS ZELDA comes forth, dressed in a pink one-piece bathing suit and sarong. She holds her arms. She doesn't look very happy. The DIRECTOR slaps his forehead.)_

DIRECTOR, _to the CAMERAMEN_: Hold! Hold, please!

GANONDORF: _(Looks up.) _Princess! You can't just walk out in the middle of the shot! For Din's sake!

PRINCESS ZELDA: _(Shakes her head.)_ I'm sorry I had to do this, but I just can't take it anymore, Ganondorf.

GANONDORF, _through gritted teeth_: You can't take _what_ anymore, Princess?

PRINCESS ZELDA: My ship. They're destroying my ship!

_(The CAMERA CREW groans. The DIRECTOR throws the script out of his hands.)_

GANONDORF: For the last time, Zelda, you volunteered your ship up for use!

PRINCESS ZELDA: Yeah, but I didn't know they would be _trashing_ the place!

GANONDORF: _(Sighs. He looks at PRINCESS ZELDA from in between fingers glued to his head.)_

PRINCESS ZELDA: I wouldn't expect a _pig_ of all people to understand.

GANONDORF: _(Groans.) _And for that little remark, you just earned yourself an all-expenses-paid trip to the dungeon of your choice. Boys, take her to the Dark World.

_(A couple of MOBLINS dressed in black security uniforms come out onto the deck and drag PRINCESS ZELDA away.)_

PRINCESS ZELDA, _kicking her feet as the MOBLINS pull her off-screen_: No, wait! I'm sorry I uttered!

GANONDORF: Uh-huh. That's wonderful, Zelda. Have fun at Turtle Rock for me, okay? _(ZELDA screams, but he waves at her anyway, and then once she's gone, he turns back to the camera.) _Now, where were we?

_(The camera resumes rolling. ORIGINAL LINK reaches into a crate. Struggling, grunting with exertion, he pulls out a squealing pink pig, and fighting its sharp hooves, stuffs it into his team's cargo hold. A second pig escapes from the aforementioned box and quickly throws itself onto the quarterdeck, shrieking madly. ORIGINAL LINK dives after it.)_

A LINK TO THE PAST LINK, _yelling_: Get that pig, LINK!

ORIGINAL LINK: _(Scowls.)_ I'm trying!

_(The pig races across the deck, brushing past the heels of the other Links. ORIGINAL LINK, in the midst of deep frustration, thrashes madly about to get it, bumping and jostling the other players as he does so, even pushing poor VIOLET LINK into a wall in an attempt to get closer.)_

VIOLET LINK: Fu—[_beep!_]!

GANONDORF, _continuing, disinterested_: There are various items scattered about to help them on their venture. Knives. Slings. Firewood…

_(The chase continues around GANONDORF. The pig, still running and screaming, brushes against the back of a certain tall incarnate.)_

ADULT LINK: Hyah!

_(The sudden touch startles him, and almost knocks him down into the remains of the shredded crates.)_

GANONDORF, _still continuing_: ...Rope. Lanterns, candles. Machetes…

_(BLUE LINK bends over and tries to grab at bananas that are currently rolling around the quarterdeck due to its tumultuous rocking. RED LINK and TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK duke it out over the last of the fishing rods. They both have an end of one, pulling at it in a fierce tug-of-war.)_

GANONDORF, _continuing once again_: …But as you can see, there are not enough supplies for everyone. The teams are going to have to work together quickly if they want to have the absolute best chance at survival. After all, this is not only a game of chance, it is a game of endurance, a game of smarts…and it is up to these members right now to decide where they want to stand.

_(CHILD LINK scrambles after the last bottle. SKYWARD SWORD LINK stands towards the back of the brawl, watching doe-eyed as the events unfold before him. GREEN LINK stands beside him, shaking his head slowly. It is almost impossible to believe they have been sealed to this fate.)_

GANONDORF: Trustworthiness, honesty, and responsibility…

_(A LINK TO THE PAST LINK grabs at WIND WAKER LINK's hair. WIND WAKER LINK cries out in tears.)_

GANONDORF, _continuing_: Loyalty, resourcefulness, courage…

_(ADULT LINK is seen brushing hay off his tunic. He wipes his brow with his gauntlet. ORIGINAL LINK can be seen winding his way around him, still chasing after the writhing, wriggling pig.)_

GANONDORF: It takes these skills—and more—to make it to the top.

_(DARK LINK intercepts some wooden rods that were intentionally thrown for A LINK TO THE PAST LINK. BLUE LINK glowers.)_

GANONDORF: Heh. It's a brutal wake-up call; it's survival of the fittest.

_(Time is running out. TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK looks up from securing his team's valuables.)_

GANONDORF: Twelve castaways.

_(SKYWARD SWORD LINK and GREEN LINK_ _finally look away from the scene. Their eyes are filled with mounting dread.)_

GANONDORF_, continuing_: Twenty-three days.

_(CHILD LINK pushes a crate of goods over to his team. TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK gives him a high five and cheers triumphantly.)_

GANONDORF, _continuing_: One survivor.

_(Time running preciously short now, ORIGINAL LINK stashes a bug-catching net. RED LINK helps him secure their findings.)_

GANONDORF: Hyrule, this is the moment you have been waiting for…

_(ADULT LINK looks over the railing bordering the quarterdeck. He sees nothing but a sea of gray ocean. Face turning pale, he looks back to his team.)_

GANONDORF: This…is Project Runway.

TIM GUNN: Teams edition!

ORIGINAL LINK: …?

GANONDORF: The winner of Project Runway will win a fashion spread in Marie Claire magazine; 125,000 rupees from L'Oreal Paris hair and makeup to start their own line; a technology suite from HP and Intel to run their business; and the chance to design and sell an exclusive collection…at Lord and Taylor!

_(Everyone stops what they're doing. The ship goes silent, and a cucco clucks in the background. The Links and camera crew all look towards GANONDORF expectantly, befuddled expressions on their faces.)_

GANONDORF: …What?

DARK LINK: Hold it, hold it, hold it. _(Bats his hands.)_ Hold the phone. No one told me I signed up for some wussy-ass Project Runway!

GANONDORF: I don't know about you guys, but I find Project Runway to be pretty intense.

WIND WAKER LINK: But…this is _SURVIVOR_.

TIM GUNN: ...Heidi?

DIRECTOR: _(Buries his hands in his face.)_ Security!

_(The aforementioned couple of MOBLNS come and drag TIM GUNN and GANONDORF away. The Links and the camera people watch as this happens, their faces blank. There is a few more subsequent seconds of silence. Then the quick, rhythmic tribal drum beat muzak starts up again._

_As if the very melody was a cue, the fighting, struggling, and stealing resumes once more as team members struggle to gather their last belongings in the remaining ephemeral seconds.)_

DIRECTOR _[voice-over]_: The marooned ones have been divided up into two very distinct tribes…

_(ORIGINAL LINK seals his crate shut. A LINK TO THE PAST LINK watches him, nodding his head up and down.)_

DIRECTOR, _continuing_: The old generation…

_(TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK snags the last lantern.)_

DIRECTOR, _continuing:_ And the new generation…

_(SKYWARD SWORD LINK high-fives GREEN LINK after they secure the last of their belongings.)_

DIRECTOR: It's a timeless classic like never seen before.

_(The clanking of chains can be heard, and the lifeboats are manned by the twelve boys. Quickly situating themselves into the two small canoes, the individual team members take no time in arming themselves with oars. Lowering themselves slowly down to the raging waters below via rope, they struggle to be the first ones to meet the sea without toppling over their supplies.)_

DIRECTOR: They must learn to adapt, or be voted out.

_(The boats land into the water with dual splashes, rocking and crashing against the churning waves. RED LINK wipes his hair—which is wet and plastered to his forehead—off his brow, and at the head of his ship, ADULT LINK directs the rowsmen.)_

ADULT LINK: Hyah!

_(He counts, his grunts marking the pace. His team takes a stroke. BLUE LINK can barely lift his oar, and struggles not to cry.)_

ADULT LINK: Hyah!

_(He counts again, and the team takes another stroke. They surge forward through the storm.)_

DIRECTOR: The stakes here have never been higher.

_(DARK LINK, on the other team, screams at his crewmates.)_

DARK LINK: Faster! Faster, worms!

_(They push forwards and backwards to the beat.)_

DIRECTOR, _continuing_: For this is not only a test of a survival…

WIND WAKER LINK: Wait… I have an idea!

DIRECTOR, _continuing_: But it is also a test of social skills.

_(WIND WAKER LINK stands on his seat, and raises both his hands. An index finger points to the sky, counting the beats to a tune that he can only hear. He looks ready to guide the wind, his hand at the ready, when he realizes…the Wind Waker baton had been confiscated prior to the start of the contest. He sits back down, only CHILD LINK noticing him, looking glum.)_

DIRECTOR: Each team will be marooned on their own sides of the island… Cast aside, abandoned. Left to fend for themselves. They will have to work together to make ends meet, for it is the impressions that they make with the other castaways that will determine their fate.

_(GREEN LINK is bushed already, taking one last stroke before setting his oar down in his lap. SKYWARD SWORD LINK nods at him, and offers him one of their snagged bananas.)_

DIRECTOR: This is an adventure that will forever change their lives. Forging ahead to create a new society, they will battle the elements…and each other.

_(A crash of thunder peals. The rain comes down even harder, bringing with it a white-out effect. The two boats paddle blindly through the waters, rising up and down with the swell of each wave. DARK LINK stands at the head of his canoe, pointing forwards like George Washington crossing the Delaware.)_

DIRECTOR: They must adapt to clear the way, but in the end, only one will claim the million rupee-prize.

_(TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK ducks forward, eyes squinting through the blinding rain. His face is grim.)_

DIRECTOR: Twenty-three days.

_(VIOLET LINK grits his teeth, and pushes through the storm.)_

DIRECTOR: Twelve Links.

_(A LINK TO THE PAST LINK shouts to ADULT LINK as another growl of thunder steals away his voice. Their canoe rises up on a wave, and is on the verge of tipping over.)_

DIRECTOR: One…survivor!

_(The boats shoot through the storm, lightning flashing against the billowing dark sky. The camera pans out until the two boats are nothing but tiny specks and PRINCESS ZELDA's ship their watchful guardian. In the distance, a dark island is silhouetted black against the gray sea. The boats, slowly, but surely, are making their way towards it. The tribal drums muzak races faster. The telltale logo makes its way on-screen: SURVIVOR: GREAT SEA. Outwit. Outplay. Outlast._

_Indeed…the Links' adventure awaits!)_

* * *

**TEAM ONE: **[Original] Link; Link to the Past Link; Adult Link; Red Link; Blue Link; Violet Link.

**TEAM TWO: **Child Link; Green Link; Dark Link; Skyward Sword Link; Twilight Princess Link; Wind Waker Link.


	2. Chapter 2

**DAY ONE. TIME 1215 HOURS.**

– _STURM UND DRANG –_

_(Fade in. The commercial break ends, the final advertisement featuring Ghirahim as a spokesperson for easy, breezy, beautiful CoverGirl cosmetics, and once again SURVIVOR: GREAT SEA resumes on the air. The view is a wide-angle shot of the sea of gray and fog, and the two boats and one ship are almost impossible to discern in the chaos. The rain is just as heavy as ever, and the storm shows no signs of stopping. The camera zooms in on one particular speck. It is Team One, rowing hard through the choppy waves, spilling over crests and dipping into holes deeper than the length of their boat. A pig inside of a crate squeals. LINK TO THE PAST LINK cries out to ADULT LINK, who is still sitting up at the head, looking at the horizon.)_

LINK TO THE PAST LINK_, shouting_: Link, can you see any land yet?

ADULT LINK: _(Shakes head.)_ Hup!

_(BLUE LINK cranes his neck about, and looks behind him on the bench: he had long since given up his rowing and instead has taken to watching the others. VIOLET LINK, who sits in back of him, is still keeping up the pace with the paddle, but his face is pale and greener than ever. Almost as green as GANONDORF's.)_

BLUE LINK: H-h-how are you doing back there...?

VIOLET LINK: Hurrrgh… _(He looks horrifically clammy.)_

RED LINK:Aw, dude, I think he's going to blow, man.

BLUE LINK: Hang in there, Vio. We're going to reach the shore.

_(LINK TO THE PAST LINK turns towards the three clones. He had been listening to their conversation, and he could not deny the fact that he was now immensely curious as to what was happening. He turns to the side to give VIOLET LINK a sidelong glance just to check up on him, and upon doing so, immediately regrets it. VIOLET is green with seasickness. LINK TO THE PAST LINK begins to row even faster. Farore forbid the little bugger pukes on _him_!_

_BLUE LINK, ignoring LINK TO THE PAST LINK, pats VIOLET on his hand. It is sweaty and wet from the rain and illness.)_

BLUE LINK: Don't th-think about it.

VIOLET LINK: Urrrgh… _(Sways back and forth.)_

BLUE LINK: Come on! You have to do it! Don't focus on the sea. Just think about something else…

VIOLET LINK: _(Looks up at him, eyes squinted.)_ L-l-l-like what?

BLUE LINK: I don't know. Think about the sunshine, or Princess Zelda, or something funny like the Old Man in a bathing suit.

VIOLET LINK: Oh Goddesses… _(He suddenly groans, and it is too late. He loses it. An image of that creepy Old Man in a tight, form-fitting Speedo flashes clear in his mind, and he bends over to the side, tosses his head overboard, and upchucks his lunch all into the raging ocean.)_

ORIGINAL LINK: _(Puts an arm over his nose.) _Oh for the love of Nayru. Are we there yet?!

ADULT LINK: Hyah!

_(And indeed they are. The rain suddenly lets up, clearing as quickly as it had been summoned. It is as if they had entered a completely different environment. The clouds parted, and bright sunlight pierced through the cerulean sky, and seagulls launched from their rocky nests and spread their white wings, gathering over the shore and the Links' boat. Off in the distance, the six boys could see it: it was their new island home. It was a sizeable chunk of land, the sand white and unmarred by rocks or seadrrift, and trees bordered the shore, growing into thick jungle. The waves die down and become naught but quiet ripples as they drift closer to the mainland. The Links stop their paddling to gaze at the tropical paradise that would become their base of operations.)_

BLUE LINK: Ah… It's so beautiful…

_(The other Links nod in silent approval. ORIGINAL LINK grabs his oar again.)_

ORIGINAL LINK: Well, come on, slowpokes; what are we waiting for? Let's get our butts over there! _(He turns to LINK TO THE PAST LINK.)_ You, Pinky, push the boat from behind. Give us some extra propulsion or something.

LINK TO THE PAST LINK: What…? No!

ORIGINAL LINK: Why not?

LINK TO THE PAST LINK: I'm uh, I'm not equipped. _(He looks away, red blush creeping to his cheeks.)_

ORIGINAL LINK_, raising an eyebrow_: I… What? I just want you to push the boat; not fight it.

LINK TO THE PAST LINK: No, not that. I mean, I'm not _endowed_.

VIOLET LINK: _(Face turns.)_ You're not _what_?!

RED LINK: I don't think he wants you to have sex with the boat, man.

LINK TO THE PAST LINK: You idiots!

_(Shame-faced, he places his oar in the aisle of the canoe and stands up on his feet. The other Links watch him as he swallows a deep breath, takes one step forward, and then suddenly jumps off the boat into the water.)_

BLUE LINK: …

LINK TO THE PAST LINK: _(Hits the water hard and collapses in a heap.) _Argh!

_(And then…_

_He suddenly disappears. The other Links, looking at one another, then converge over to the one side, staring at where he had fallen. There had been a splash, and then…nothing. ADULT LINK looks at ORIGINAL LINK. What da fu—[beep!]? Where did he go?)_

LINK TO THE PAST LINK: _(Suddenly reappears back on the boat, completely dry and looking disheveled.)_

ORIGINAL LINK: …How the froak did you do that?

LINK TO THE PAST LINK: I told you. I can't swim without my "endowment"!

ORIGINAL LINK: What the freaking heck is an endowment!?

BLUE LINK: Wait, I think I know! I remember reading in the Player's Guide before I got here… A Link to the Past Link can't swim without the Zora's Flippers!

LINK TO THE PAST LINK: _(Face turns red.) _See? I need the gift from King Zora!

ORIGINAL LINK: Why didn't you just say so? You were making it sound like you got neutered or something.

RED LINK: _(Snickers.)_

LINK TO THE PAST LINK: Can you blame me? Do you know how completely humiliating it is only being able to wade in shallow water?

_(All the other Links look away. They cannot meet his eyes.)_

LINK TO THE PAST LINK_, to ORIGINAL LINK_: And since you're so ready to gun orders, why don't you put your rupees where your mouth is and push the boat yourself?

ORIGINAL LINK: I, um… I don't know how, either.

LINK TO THE PAST LINK: Know how to do what?

ORIGINAL LINK: Swim, moron!

LINK TO THE PAST LINK: …

VIOLET LINK: Alright, so can _anyone_ on this snooze cruise actually swim?

_(Everybody takes a glance at one another. Only ADULT LINK raises his hand.)_

RED LINK: Oh thank Goddesses.

ORIGINAL LINK: Way to go, Link! Get in there and start pushing!

ADULT LINK: Hai.

_(Without a second word, the boy jumps into the water, sending waves up everywhere and splashing the others. A moment later he comes back up, gasping for breath. The other Links watch him with awe and astonishment. They could never do something as glorious as swim without their flippers! The Hero of Time darts around to the back of the boat, and then with a grunt, begins pushing at its back, kicking his feet out. It takes a second for the momentum to build up, but eventually it does, and overcoming the forces of friction, the boat begins to move forward in the water.)_

RED LINK_, taking his oar_: Yeah! Island ho!

ORIGINAL LINK: What did you call me?!

_(The remaining four Links grab their paddles and begin hustling to shore. Meanwhile, back in the midst of the horrifically bad weather…_

_Team Two is struggling through the raging storm which surrounds them from all sides. How far they are from their own end of the island is pretty much impossible to tell, and it seems as if they have been rowing mindlessly for hours. DARK LINK still sits at the head of the boat, staring out into the ocean. The other Links struggle behind him, furiously trying to work their oars. It doesn't help that most of their team is comprised of younglings, and their energy is being sapped short by the second. DARK LINK watches them scream for air and strain, chewing on an apple as the rain pours down on top of them.)_

DARK LINK_, chewing on the core_: Is it possible for you kittens to go _any_ slower?

_(TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK looks up over his oar and glares at him, gritting his teeth in a wolf-like snarl. SKYWARD SWORD LINK pats him on the shoulder.)_

DARK LINK: _(Smiles.) _Yeah, better keep your pup on a leash, boy. _(Takes another bite of apple.) _I don't know what possessed the producers to let Fido out of his cage.

TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK: _(Suddenly gets up to smack his oar in DARK LINK's face.)_

_(GREEN LINK and SKYWARD SWORD LINK both bum-rush him and tackle him to the floor before he can follow-through. The boat rocks violently.)_

WIND WAKER LINK: Watch our stuff! _(Struggles to catch a crate before it flies into the tossing ocean.)_

_(DARK LINK is laughing.)_

CHILD LINK: Ugh…

TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK: _(Suddenly surfaces from the dog-pile, eyes dangerously bright. He points a finger at DARK LINK_._)_ Sleep with one eye open!

GREEN LINK: Hey guys, save it for the other team, okay?

DARK LINK: What was that? I'm sorry, Link, I don't speak wussy.

GREEN LINK: … _(Turns to TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK.) _Okay, let's skin him.

_(SKYWARD SWORD LINK and WIND WAKER LINK hold TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK and GREEN LINK back.)_

CHILD LINK: Look, can we all calm down, please?

TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK: Yeah. Don't make me have to punch you.

DARK LINK: Oooh! That was so threatening I forgot to wet myself.

_(TWILIGHT LINK bristles again.)_

CHILD LINK: _(Puts his face into his hands.)_ For the love of Din, we are never going to get anywhere.

SKYWARD SWORD LINK: _(Sits back down into his seat, saying nothing. He simply picks up his oar and begins rowing again, by himself.)_

WIND WAKER LINK: What are you doing, Link?

SKYWARD SWORD LINK: Getting to the island first. And then we can fight.

DARK LINK: Nah, I say we settle it right here, right now. Let me show Fluffy here who's the real alpha wolf.

TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK: _(Growls.)_

CHILD LINK: Look, numbnuts, if we don't make it to the island, the only thing you'll be settling is into your seat back to Hyrule.

DARK LINK: Who are you calling a numbnuts?

SKYWARD SWORD LINK: _(Begins banging his head onto the side of the canoe frustratedly.)_

TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK: _(Settles back into his seat.)_ At this rate, I might as well swim to shore.

DARK LINK: Oh Goddesses, no. Please spare us the smell of smelly wet dog.

GREEN LINK: Are you even close to being out of dog jokes now?

DARK LINK: Well, let me see… I have to check my schedule… _(He holds his hand up, and pretends to be perusing a planner. He then snaps his hand back down.)_ Doggone it, I'm not even close.

TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK: _(Suddenly shifts into a wolf and throws himself off the boat.)_

WIND WAKER LINK: Take me with you! _(Jumps into the sea after him.)_

_(The boy sputters after his canine friend, and grabs on to his hackles just as he is on the verge of going under. He climbs onto the wolf's back and wraps his arms around his thick neck, bobbing up and down with the ginormous waves. TWILIGHT PRINCESS LINK looks back towards the canoe expectantly.)_

WIND WAKER LINK: Any more? We have room for one!

_(A flash of lightning brightens the sky, and not even two seconds afterwards, thunder crashes. SKYWARD SWORD LINK puts his oar down and dives off the boat, dunking into the water and swimming after them. He climbs onto the WOLF LINK's back, and wipes his hair from his eyes. WIND WAKER LINK waves.)_

WIND WAKER LINK: See you guys on the other side!

CHILD LINK: Hey! Where are you going?

WIND WAKER LINK: You all can continue duking it out. We're going to find the shore.

CHILD LINK: You don't even know which way that is!

WIND WAKER LINK: Neither do you! Check you guys later.

_(WOLF LINK begins his familiar doggy paddle. The waves sweep him and his two passengers forward, and CHILD LINK and GREEN LINK watch as the sea eventually engulfs them. CHILD LINK, upon losing them in the swells, throws his oar down.)_

CHILD LINK: Nice going, Shadow.

DARK LINK: Don't _terrier_ self up about it. You're just sad you couldn't kee-_pup _with my _paw_-some good jokes.

GREEN LINK: _(Crosses arms.) _You mean your _pup_-thetically bad jokes?

CHILD LINK: … _(Suddenly throws himself overboard and careens into the water.)_

GREEN LINK: No wait! Link, I'm sorry!

CHILD LINK: _(Swims away as fast as humanly possible.)_

_(GREEN LINK and DARK LINK look at one another.)_

DARK LINK_, singing_: Just the two of us. We can make it if we try, just the two of us, hey! Just the two of us…

GREEN LINK: You're lucky I can't swim, because I would rather eat broken glass than stay on this boat any longer.

DARK LINK: _(Smiles.)_

GREEN LINK: _(Takes an oar and moves to the back of the boat. Sitting down at the rear, he then leans over to one side and begins paddling forward. He tries to steer the canoe in the same direction CHILD and WOLF LINK had gone.)_

_(DARK LINK continues eating his apple…)_

**To be continued…**


End file.
